I thought I would not be affected; nothing would change...but that is not true. I giggle when I accidentally write FOSBERRY after my midwifery notes and then spend 5 mins having to contemplate whether to change it or not, only to decide to, and then find myself re offending 10mins later making my notes look like a dogs breakfast written by a deranged midwife who is clearly having some sort of identity crisis. Who is this C.LEE who claims to now be working in my place? It's like I have a split persona. An imaginary friend. When written too quickly it oft looks like GLEE (which even though I was not a religious follower - I still make the connection in my head and giggle again).
Some days you wake up feeling nostalgic and sentimental and Married...
And then... you feel trapped in a contract of legal obligation; and what that entails I still do not know (Ah.. the fear of the unknown - mans greatest undoing)...
And then of course you just remember that this is still what life has been for over a decade and you obviously feel comfortable with it enough to be content and happy.
The name change takes a bit of getting used to though, let me tell you. Not for the groom however, he just has to learn to share; not always mans greatest trait. This name change is easier for women who wish to discard their old identity, shed their skin, conceal their sketchy childhood, mask the old and embrace the new. I am doing all those things and much more. I am also branding myself with the label 'proper family' - thought about the use of 'normal' instead of 'proper' but the word 'normal' holds many a bad memory of lectures from know-it-all charge nurses and case workers trying to be politically sensitive to the mentally ill - at age 11 however - you just hear Blah Blah from a woman who gets to go home to her perfectly normal nuclear family to sit and eat and chat happily about the little ungrateful and possibly spoilt child who unintelligently blurted out that she "just wants things to be normal" because she has no understanding of the suffering that the chemically imbalanced and misrepresented population have to deal with everyday (what an idiot world we live in); so 'proper family' it now is, as opposed to an 'inproper family' which is much more fitting. The acceptance and adorance of being "one" with the people who I admire and strive to impress the most. Justin says I need to do nothing to impress anymore (out of the blue and wise words of intoxicative love); but the reality is I will gallantly fight, take pains even, upholding to my last breath the lineage of the most wonderful and beautiful peoples this world ought to have ever known.
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