LeT's dO tHiS pEOpLe

 

Blogging, blogger, blog.

Let's Go. 

Here it is. 

It's happening. 

What am I doing again? Oh yeah, blogging again. Wait what?! Oh okay. Let's do this. 

Hi, my name is Cherry, and I've been blogging for 15 years now and fallen off the wagon...again. Life just seems to keep getting in the way, and other things. Then I forget how to log in to Blogger and that takes me another half a morning to realise that I actually have to log in under my maiden name email address because I've never been able to sync my blog to my new email address and now I'm here I will probably blog once and then 5 years will happen and we'll repeat the process. So boring. 

But while I'm here...let's do this! I keep saying that. It's actually very annoying I know, but it's my default setting with 3 kids and an arsehole for a husband. "Let's do this!" is just my way of saying "fucking hell I want to go back to sleep for 100 years but I can't so please just help me out so we can move on with the fucking day". So Let's do this. 

I'm now 43, feel older every day, my boobs sag (like legit 90 year old woman sag) and my bum also sags. I'm not complaining because I weigh 55kg and feel like a goddess, but just a goddess with no boobs and no bum. But I'm not trying to impress anyone, least of all my husband whom I just try to avoid all contact with - like avoiding an octopus underwater in a 1m by 1m tank. The sagging doesn't seem to put him off unfortunately. When did I become incapable of even wanting a sex life? But moving on. 

I have two children in school and one in day-care which is mildly better than any other alternative up until now, but only marginally. 

I am working part-time as a midwife and riding that roller-coaster while still contract working for the DHB as a lactation consultant. I am a full-time mother, house keeper, lawn mower and accountant, among other titles, not least "Bitch of a Wife" the latest title I received this AM from my frustrated and sex deprived significant other (which I totally understand and get...but don't buy into). 

I sometimes sew things. I received a free sewing machine from Fly-bys points that were expiring anyway, and thought "chief sewer" was another title I could wear at home for those times that Justin whinged that I never repaired his blown out work pants...but he didn't like the sound the machine made so I compromised by finding a place in town to set my machine up and now I spend any free time there just creating and making little things and unwinding. It's just another dimension of who I have become. A distraction from the mounting pressure. And to be clear, it's mounting. 

So I am sitting (squatting is the term Justin would use) in a local coffee shop, blogging because I have been meaning to for a while, and contemplating life and where it is I am at, at age 43. 

I have started up a book group, and enjoy reading with a purpose to discuss and socialise around that. 

I also enjoy planting flowers in my garden and doing all I can to attract the bird life to our humble abode by way of feeders, a bird house (newly required) and hanging bird bath. I have asked Santa for a large pretty blue bird bath to attract them further. 

I still avoid anything to do with farming as it just brings misery to me every time. I could explain that more but I can't be bothered. It's so layered and so complicated, like my marriage. 

My family back in Australia literally consists of my Mother and my brother these days, and neither bring anything but drama and contempt. I have all but moved on there too. Life is too short for other people's bullshit. I don't inflict my BS on others, so I don't plan on taking anyone's on. It's that simple for me now. Cold; perhaps. Sensible; YOU BET!

And now I am over typing. My mind is wandering about the tasks I need to do today...like getting the milk that we ran out of this morning and saw me the worst wife in the world. EYEROLL! Please. 

Life can be ho-hum but I'm happy to be surviving it and being me in the ways I know how. Christmas is nearly here and I usually love this time of year. I'm trying to get in the spirit but it's harder than ever. I have the music going in the car, the tinsel up and the elves are roaming the house daily. All clutter of course to my pessimistic love match. Ha! Who is as joyless as I've ever known. 

I must away. Time is a ticking. 

Let's do this people. Let's just fucking do this already. 

   

SeLF iNteRviEW

Photo taken by Camryn on my iPhone while we wait for 'Fush & Chups' at the Wimbledon Pub.

Self Interview:

Me: So Cherry what is it like living in remote rural New Zealand, an hour from the nearest rural town? 

Me: It sucks dick. 

Me: What do you miss the most about Australia?

Me: The thunderstorms. And occasionally the beaches.

Me: What have you been up to lately, and why haven't we seen any blogging from you in several years?

Me: I've had three children. 

Me: Now that you have fulfilled your life long dream to become a mother, is life as rewarding as you always imagined it would be?

Me: Hell NO!

Me: Being a former midwife prior to children must have meant that having babies for you was super easy, breastfeeding would have come naturally and your children would sleep through the night; was this how it was for you?

Me: Fuck you. 

Me: You recently just purchased your first farm with your husband of 7 years, and taken on an incredible amount of debt on top of the already extravagant sum of debt you were already in. Has this extra workload and pressure allowed you to see more of each other and brought you closer together?

Me: Get fucked!

Me: Your decision to get back into blogging recently; was this to fill a void in your life now that you can't see yourself ever returning to midwifery full-time due to 'family commitments'?

Me: Yes. 

Me: Having three children in quick concession hasn't been kind to your body at all has it? In fact, despite losing weight during your third pregnancy you've actually managed to pile on the weight again and then some. Have you got any dieting tips you'd like to share with us?

Me: I hate you!

Me: Speaking of weight loss regimes, you've also recently decided to try Isagenix, which for anyone unfamiliar with the financially crippling cult-like product, is a 'lifestyle game-changer' complete with it's own online community of fabulous bodies and false promises. How's that going for you?

Me: 😡 *flipping the bird*

Me: Speaking of birds. Your childhood love for poultry has seen you happily raising chooks ever since moving to NZ. But recently your beloved husband blew them all away with his shotgun while you were away doing a mandatory midwifery skills workshop 2 hours away. It was your fault because you weren't able to stop them from coming down to the house and shitting outside the front door. Do you feel guilty when you think of their little chicken beaked faces being cruelly hunted down and slayed to death with a shower of lead shot? 

Me: 😡💣💥

i'M BAck peOPLe!

Get Excited!

I've decided now is the right time to get back to blogging again; after having three kids in quick concession, packed on the pounds, seen more poop and spew than I ever thought possible, began running my own business, and most surprisingly find myself still married!
I have loads of material for blogging...so let the games begin!

i Am LEgeND

Hi bloggetts, 

This is a new format I am trying on my iPad. I really have no idea what I'm doing, but I can't seem to find a way to put pictures on my blogs - so this is my solution to that. 

Here is a picture...

OK. So that worked. 

Here is some hand writing because I can...

iNTeRneT pAssTiMeS & zErO cLeAniNg



I am successfully wasting time again, avoiding the 'things' that I know I should be doing.

What I have been doing:-

* I updated some minor cosmetic features on my blog page -  

* reserved a hire car -

* booked a table for three at our favourite restaurant even though it's more than likely going to be either just for two or perhaps 5 or 6 - I just had a mental meltdown and said the first number to pop into my head -

* searched for flights for family needing a way to get to NZ next Jan for our wedding -

* rang my mum -

* rang my Auntie and Uncle -

* tried to ring my brother but couldn't get through -

* fed the 2nd pet lamb for the second time this morning fending off the 1st pet lamb who's being weaned -

* stuck on some washing because the guilt was getting too enormous -

* tried to ring my brother again -

* checked out my facebook, gmail and then my blog stats again - nothing new -

* watched a music video clip on telly of a song I really like but didn't know the name of -

http://youtu.be/lLJf9qJHR3E

* got some mince out to defrost as the guilt was mounting up again -

* hung the washing out, feeling like I'm slightly ahead now -

* so I'm back to my blog and writing a new post.

Aarrggghhh! I'm now at the end of what I'm up to, and now I'm just on blogger wasting time, and time is tick, tick, ticking away and there is so much housework to do. If I was sensible I would go and do it, if I wasn't I'd crack a bottle of red and drown in it - but I fear I'm neither....I'm a blogger!

* tried to ring my brother again...

bLoGGinG - aM I cUt OuT fOr iT?

Age 9 - Blue Baby Bat Girl - My talents as a successful blogger go unnoticed.



It's no surprise...I am a new bloggeroo, and as such I have been hopelessly trying to feel my way through the maze that is Blogger.

So far I think I have figured out that a good blog is really funny while still being very witty and clever and almost always has cool drawings/animations or pictures to back up the really funny stuff that is being blogged about.

Many successful blogs are very original (example: artwork, photography or some really interesting craft form that noone else has ever thought of doing before - example: pictures on the ground made out of sheets and sleeping babies). Others are just comedic in every way, shape and form and have actually provoked tears of laughter from my eyeballs. Good work.

So what will I do? Which way will I swing? I can be good with words at times and I can be sarcastic and witty - but will it be enough and could I pull off funny?

Until I find my feet, my niche, my 'special talent' in this big wide world of Blogs, I think I will just have to remain happy to be a solo blogger and explore everyone elses 'special talents' instead. 

  

Age 7 - Zoolander solo blogger pose

Note to self: Most successful blogs do not contain ridiculous childhood photos. Back to brain storming.