SeLF iNteRviEW

Photo taken by Camryn on my iPhone while we wait for 'Fush & Chups' at the Wimbledon Pub.

Self Interview:

Me: So Cherry what is it like living in remote rural New Zealand, an hour from the nearest rural town? 

Me: It sucks dick. 

Me: What do you miss the most about Australia?

Me: The thunderstorms. And occasionally the beaches.

Me: What have you been up to lately, and why haven't we seen any blogging from you in several years?

Me: I've had three children. 

Me: Now that you have fulfilled your life long dream to become a mother, is life as rewarding as you always imagined it would be?

Me: Hell NO!

Me: Being a former midwife prior to children must have meant that having babies for you was super easy, breastfeeding would have come naturally and your children would sleep through the night; was this how it was for you?

Me: Fuck you. 

Me: You recently just purchased your first farm with your husband of 7 years, and taken on an incredible amount of debt on top of the already extravagant sum of debt you were already in. Has this extra workload and pressure allowed you to see more of each other and brought you closer together?

Me: Get fucked!

Me: Your decision to get back into blogging recently; was this to fill a void in your life now that you can't see yourself ever returning to midwifery full-time due to 'family commitments'?

Me: Yes. 

Me: Having three children in quick concession hasn't been kind to your body at all has it? In fact, despite losing weight during your third pregnancy you've actually managed to pile on the weight again and then some. Have you got any dieting tips you'd like to share with us?

Me: I hate you!

Me: Speaking of weight loss regimes, you've also recently decided to try Isagenix, which for anyone unfamiliar with the financially crippling cult-like product, is a 'lifestyle game-changer' complete with it's own online community of fabulous bodies and false promises. How's that going for you?

Me: 😡 *flipping the bird*

Me: Speaking of birds. Your childhood love for poultry has seen you happily raising chooks ever since moving to NZ. But recently your beloved husband blew them all away with his shotgun while you were away doing a mandatory midwifery skills workshop 2 hours away. It was your fault because you weren't able to stop them from coming down to the house and shitting outside the front door. Do you feel guilty when you think of their little chicken beaked faces being cruelly hunted down and slayed to death with a shower of lead shot? 

Me: 😡💣💥