Is it wrong to fight over hair? Let me tell you the correct answer....Not when it is the most beautiful hair IN THE WORLD. I was marrying this hair in 1 and a half months - but now it is gone. GONE! OK so he didn't shave it off, just a neat fucking trim all around but the length is gone, the curls are not dropping gently all around the place like cascades of flowing holy water drenched in sparkling highlights of caramel and dark chocolate.
I loved this hair. I begged him for 3 months not to touch it. "Please just wait a little bit more, I know it's hot to work underneath but it's fucking hot to look at and it's only another month and a bit...Please, please don't cut it, I'm begging you". He left for his bucks night on the Friday and returned on Sunday night with a mushroom top! Now I am a reasonable woman 98% of the time (the other 2% of the time I am a psychotically crazed serial nightmare who should not be allowed near the cutlery drawer) but when I saw that head of hair come waltzing on into our kitchen entrance I almost blanked out from the blazing hatred that over-washed my senses. I could have forgiven him if he had told me he had ended up having scanky orgy sex with 6 blonde hoes on the night of his bucks but NO he cut his hair instead! I just can not forgive this. It is like murder in the first degree. The hair (my precious hair) has been desecrated, slaughtered ruthlessly without any consideration to my emotional attachments to it. I consider this to be a heinous and seriously deranged act of self mutilation causing severe grievous bodily harm without remorse.
Breath, just breath.
So if you are just sitting there, reading this, thinking "it's just hair" you are SO VERY WRONG! And have no heart. Because now I am marrying a mushroom head and you don't even care.
RIP my beautiful hair (wherever you now lay - probably on some disgusting cheap hairdressers floor or swept up into a foul and filthy pile of other non-beautiful hair and thrown into some trash bin awaiting the rubbish collection - *Uncontrollable sobbing* - the horror).
The Mongrel who was never meant for hair as beautiful as you! Bastard!
15/12/10 - Friends...he is out of the dogbox after 3 long days; but only just. He would have been out yesterday but he brought to my attention a frilly foreign G-string that he had washed and hung to dry in amongst the rest of our washing (*doing the washing was an act of sorry-ment which I had acknowledged). Over the course of the weekend, during Justin's right of passage, he had to swap his "G" with a willing lady (a popular game for stags that I am familiar with), but instead of throwing it out he washed it and then offered it to me as some sort of peace offering. "It looks like a really nice one, I thought you might like it" he said to me as I glared at him with my face turning slightly crimson, to deeper red, to violent purple.
Oh dear - I thought that the ten year training regime that I have been tirelessly devoting my life to was starting to pay-off - I see I still have much work to do...and Justin has so much more to learn about women.
Oh dear - I thought that the ten year training regime that I have been tirelessly devoting my life to was starting to pay-off - I see I still have much work to do...and Justin has so much more to learn about women.
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