LiFe iS LiKe a bOwL oF ChErRy: hEy cHeRRy dO yOu WaNt tO kNow SoMetHiNg FuCKeD uP?

sHAkeSpEarE mAyheM

"If music be the food of love, play on,

Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,

The appetite may sicken, and so die."

~ William Shakespeare - "Twelfth Night" - in which Duke Orsino is hopelessly pursuing a women named Olivia who does not love him but instead loves a woman who is disguised as a man who loves the Duke. This she/man has a twin brother who has won the heart of Olivia who turns out to be the sister of the Duke anyway - bummer. Not surprisingly due to this tangled web of love and deceit Duke Orsino declares his frustration and asks for an abundance of love so that he will lose his appetite for it, but marries the she/man/twin all the same - cHeRRy.

DoN't fOrGeT tO...

Everytime I leave my daughter with my husband there is a disorganised shit-fest that takes place
keep in touch with the George Hatch crew!
book 1 way tickets back home just for the hell of it
pay no attention to your friends popping out copious amounts of offspring with ease
cry your heart out every so often
read the small print BEFORE you sign your life away
learn how to make real pasta - you won't be sorry!
pop a mono
wash the prolapsed uterus before returning it to it's rightful place - but of course you would
clap at someone annoying today
take your shower cap off before going to work and commuting on a train (someone elses true story)
do the zip up at the back of your skirt when you are wearing a G-string and working as a "change girl" handing out money at the Casino (true story)
sing in the shower
laugh at yourself when you fall over in a pit of mud and land unfashionably face first
pen a long letter to someone special
tell your mum you love her today
stock up on the wine when you decide to spend a weekend on the farm shifting sheep with Justin
look at the sky and daydream
take your favourite swiss army pocket knife out of your pocket when you try to enter a NZ Court house looking for a JP
read at least 2 pages of a book before turning out the light

aRcHiVe oF TiPs bY ChErRy

Tip # 29. Counterproductive...at Christmas time. Don't baby and wrap! Just say No!
Tip # 28. MoTHeRHooD...Welcome to it!
Tip # 27. iF sOMetHinG sEEms iMpOSsibLe...Just imagine how proud you will feel when you accomplish it anyway.
Tip # 26. bRUsH yOur TeeTH kiDDiEs; Never take your teeth for granted.
Tip # 25. CoNStipAtiOn hAPpeNs. Never take your rectum for granted.
Tip # 23. & 24. You can never have enough thermals & you can never have enough layers of them on during an anTaRCtiC pOLaR BLaSt.
Tip # 22. sOuL SisTErs; Say yes to a girls night out.
Tip # 21. EGGS ARE GOOD. WE LOVE EGGS!! BRING ON THE EGGS...AdOpT a ChOOk tOdAy.
Tip # 20. PeOpLe...Build a bridge; and GeT oVEr iT!
Tip # 19. Don't get in an arguement with a farmer about their bloomin' sheep getting into your uncle's QE2 land, especially if that farmer has been drinking. cHiLL OuT dUDe...jUsT cOmE GeT YouR bLooDy ShEEP!!
Tip #18. When you find yourself being stalked, butted and charged by your pet wether lamb...Ask yourself was the rubber ring installed properly?.
Tip #17. Study - what's love got to do with it? What's love but a second hand emotion...When trying to study pharmacology by university correspondence - first rip your distracting computer out of the wall and just get back to the basics; hit the books literally!
Tip #16. Everyone should experience public speaking without pants just once in their life. There's a reason why corsets and torsolettes are a thing of the past.
Tip #15. If you didn't want everyone to know; then why tell me.
Tip #14. Don't organise your own or anyone else's wedding. It's too stressful and begins the wheels in motion for divorce.
Tip #13 Cats don't wear pants. Period.
Tip #12 Behind every good farmer, there's a great working dog (Meet "Queen")
Tip #11 If you can't beat them, join them...Rifles are fun; especially if you happen to be better than your partner at shooting them (# Note: for the record I do have a current rifle licence in NZ).
Tip #10 Apparently clapping violently in the direction of ones enemy is certain to raise more than just an eyebrow. *ScHNAP*
Tip #9 When trying to conceive a baby I have discovered that sleeping in separate beds is not very productive.
Tip #8 If you are going to have a 7.1 earthquake make sure it's after working hours; unfortunately the next one wasn't.
Tip #7 When a woman who is just about to have a baby requests to go outside for a "smoke" and comes back smelling of dope - try not to look bewildered.
Tip #6 If you find yourself wondering "can it get any muddier?" - apparently the answer is "YES IT CAN!!"
Tip #5 If you are not a Midwife - you are missing out!
Tip #4 Probably should try to remain on roads rather than drive off them.
Tip #3 Don't put your hand up for farm work
Tip #2 Never back down, unless you are grossly wrong about what you are arguing about, then you should just slink away
Tip #1 Always live for your next adventure

11 January, 2011

hEy cHeRRy dO yOu WaNt tO kNow SoMetHiNg FuCKeD uP?

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