tHiS iS hOW iT iS

This is a sink, not a bath. 

This is a true story. This actually happened today. 

I put the kids in an early bath because I wanted to try to outsmart "the witching hour''.

I chased one kid into the bathroom, called out to another one to "Get in the bathroom" and removed the third one from the bathroom because he just mopes about in the shower and gets wet.

I unsuccessfully dodged toy shrapnel on my hasty travels and then limped to the bath tub, pulled a bicep muscle straining to reach the taps and bruised my thigh leaning down to put the plug in as my son barged on in naked and nearly knocked me into the watery vessel. 

Now this is where it got interesting.

All the water running sounds made my bladder twinge and I quickly remembered that this happens to me now I've had a baby punch through my cervix and vagina and I have about 30 seconds to get on the toilet before my pelvic floor muscles decide to release the flood gates. Natural birth; there's a dark side. 

So I dance around floor objects and get to the porcelain bowl in good time, twist and turned while trying to pull my pants down (as one does) and stepped right onto the toddler toilet training seat which was upside down and surprisingly awkward and painful, I react by pulling my foot up which incidentally releases my bladder, I wet my pants, lose my balance and fall sideways into the wall and then toilet roll holder and then further awkwardly back onto the toilet seat unceremoniously and feeling like a prized idiot. Miraculously my pants are down, but too late. Fuck it.   

Immediately my daughter enters the bathroom and starts jabbering in my face about redressing her dolly and pokes the doll's hand into my eyeball while repeating "Mum. Mum. MUM!" at me.

The bath water's still running, I'm now pant-less, and thinking about a time when I used to just enter  a bathroom when I needed some quiet alone time. 

Those were the days.